A Personal Perspective

10 June 2008 @ 08:16 pm

The People's Court judge flips the f*** out

Okay, so I've become a bit obsessed with watching those court tv shows lately and I am dumbfounded as to the reason for this (hopefully) momentary obsession. Nevertheless, after a long youtube session of watching these shows, I found it very refreshing to come across a MadTV parody of the same show. So, I figured I'd share it here...check out the real People's Court when the judge flips out and then the very funny parody. Of course, there is the chance that this is just funny now...because I am still fazed by these shows.

Current Mood:

amused

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10 June 2008 @ 08:10 pm

(no subject)

This is right about the most beautiful song I've heard. I believe the first time the tune caught me was about a year ago and there was something that hooked me instantly. I am still unsure if it is the smoothness of her voice, the way she's able to capture your soul, the dark melody, or the words that seem filled with pain and add a dose of reality. Nevertheless, I just wanted to share this beautiful song with everyone on here.

Tags: amy winehouse, back to black, dark, lyrics, melody, music, poem, song

Current Mood:

calm

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09 June 2008 @ 10:37 pm

Friends on LIVE JOURNAL?

Okay, I am a little confused. I signed up for live journal a while back, but never posted anything. Then I wrote a few entries, but kept them private to myself. Finally, I began to add more entries and made them public. After a while, I saw that no one was commenting, or even visiting my page. So, I began to search for people, however when I went to their sites, almost all said "friends only".

Okay, so I asked to be their friend and added them as a friend; most replies from them were "who are you and why do you want to be my friend?"

Okay, well I don't necessarily mean to intrude. So, let me explain why I am contacting people to be their friend. All I am trying to do is simply interact with people on this site. I know that live journal is quite popular and sharing thoughts, opinions, rants, concerns, or anything else between people is a great idea. So, I figured it'd be great to read what others have to say and in return have others read my thoughts. Then, perhaps people can take the time and post their opinions...sadly, I feel I am too late for the live journal era; most people have already made their friends and aren't interested in making others. However, if you are...let me know; I'm excited to get to know you...

Tags: approval, friends, live journal, lj, sad

Current Mood:

crushed

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09 June 2008 @ 02:26 pm

About Me (short overview)

2) What was your dream growing up?
A. Not sure anymore. I think I wanted to be an attorney or a movie star. My dream involved a luxurious life; one of Cinderella or something of that sort; definitely a child's dream.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A. Singing - like Amy Winehouse or something (but not actually being a professional singer)

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A. Ideally a cosmopolitan (Sex and the City is a trendsetter), in reality a whiskey & coke.

5) Favorite vegetable?
A. Mushrooms (and tomatoes - and if you believ it's a fruit then fine, but that's what it is)

6) What was the last book you read?
A. Chelsea Handler's "Are you there Vodka, it's me Chelsea". Not the most literary book, but it was quite entertaining.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A. Aries, year of the Tiger

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A. 2 tats

9) Worst Habit?
A. Stressing out all the time.................

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A. Used to be optimistic; currently evolving into negative.

16) Do you have any pets?
A. Chelsea (photo) cat

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A. Cute - cheerful

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A. Already did

24) Bottle or can soda?
A.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A. Netherlands here I come

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A. Home or dark, dark, dark bar

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A. Yes; everything that's portrayed in scary thriller films

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A. Write

30) Do you swear a lot?
A. Try not to

33) Do you believe in/appreciate romance?
A. 50/50

35) Do you believe in God?
A. Yes

Tags: about yourself, form, friend, fun

Current Mood:

curious

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07 June 2008 @ 02:36 pm

Anxious Feelings

Do you ever have those? The anxious feelings that just take over when something is not your way, when something does not feel right or you feel hurt. I get those, it's like they take over my body, hands shaking, voice trembling, and tears overwhelming my eyes. It takes some time to calm down, but in the midst of those emotions, you can't contain yourself and want to tell your feelings to the world and take that anger out on whoever is right in your sight. I wish I could control that, I wish I could somehow just not have these feelings, somehow rationalize a situation while it's occuring, instead of emotionally reacting to whatever that situation is. I hate my emotions, they always get the best of me and my logic just disappears. It is really simply overwhelming for me and I cannot control it, I try, but it is always too late, I explain to myself that things are just the way they should be, but only after I've let myself cool off...sometimes too late since I've lost too many of my nerve cells. I wonder sometimes, what's left of my nervous system...is it bear and unable to have a shield or is it somehow still working...because in my mind it is completely dysfunctional and has exhausted its working capabilities.

I just wish that things were different, that I was stronger, better, and smarter. That I did not let emotions take the very best of me and that I did not let others take advantage of me when it shouldn't happen.

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07 June 2008 @ 03:38 am

Anger Rant

What do you do when you are angry. It's an overwhelming feeling that just takes over in a split second. It is only afterwards when you are calm that you can take the time to rationalize the situation and realize you are completely wrong. I have this issue; I try my hardest to deal with it, but it becomes unbearable when the fumes just take over. The important part is to control the words that leave your mouth, since you want to say what is on your mind. Of course what is on your mind is usually exactly what you think, however you have to control what you say-truth or otherwise-because your loved ones may be hurt. However, what's so wrong with saying what you want in a blunt manner? Probably a lot; afterall I doubt I could handle someone else's true opinion of me, but that's because I have really thin skin when it comes to this stuff. Gosh, life is so complicated and there are layers and layers that come at you all the time and you have to maintain your composure. Basically, never let your guard down and never let them see you sweat pretty much. Always concentrate on you; think of you and make your life the best it can be for you. The reason is because when you devote any of your time to others, it is unlikely that favor will ever be returned. Although, in rare cases it does happen. I wish I could learn to know that I am number one.

Current Mood:

blah

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06 May 2008 @ 07:58 pm

Life's Troubles, part 1...or 101

This is probably the most personal entry I have ever written down; not only on live journal, but on any level. This, in fact is the first time I have ever let this out in words; I am not sure why now I feel is the time or why this is something I clearly need to do, but it is something that perhaps will let me soul be finally free. It seems that my life has always been going out of balance and never really organized. Of course, I've had my bouts of good discipline, but they seem to constantly disappear and my mind and body begin to roam free. The roaming is what causes me to fall completely apart. It causes me to make huge mistakes and cause the people I love the most heartache by hurting them. I have to admit that the hurt is unintentional and of course I never meant to do it, but somehow I do and why I do is something that is a big mystery to me. I've never been quite able to figure out what happened to me, I always thought I was a good person, but now I begin to doubt it. They say the 20s are for you to figure out who you are, but it seems I have been totally unable to do so because I've repeated my mistakes again and again, with no regard for the consequences and without ever making an analysis of my actions. I want to believe that I have strength and willpower, but the reality of the my 22 years of being have proven the opposite. I have never really exercised any willpower at all, never been able to complete something from start to finish with passion, at least never something positive for myself, perhaps only for others. After all, I was aware of everything I was doing. I definitely was, I could somehow blame it on a daze I tend to feel from time to time, but overall it is definitely something I am aware of. It was the biggest mistake I did, after all it did help me and while I was taking it I did not make mistakes.

Current Mood:

pessimistic

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30 April 2008 @ 08:43 pm

My View...on the View

I just got through a two hour session of watching you-tube minisodes of the terrible Hasselbeck/O'Donnell debates over Iraq. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a very annoying brat; she constantly argues her lame opinions, so surely, without realizing that she is still quite young to argue with those twice her age (or 1/2 as in Rosie's case). Furthermore, she is very argumentative, rude, and does not stop. Just because she did land the job on the View, does not entitle her to argue to volatily with everyone else. Furthermore, I think it is a shame Rosie is no longer on the show, it was the highlight of the View and the only reason I watched it.

Furthermore, Elisabeth's annoying reaction to SVU's episode that happened to use a similiar name for one for their characters - get over it!!!
If the show had used someone else's name, someone not in show business, what resource would we have if we felt it was, as she put it "suggestive"? the answer is none, a regular non-show biz civilian would not even reach the EP of the show, whereas she actually did!

And, it is not suggestive -it is a show, and it's what they do. For someone in the biz of show biz, she has a very tiny understanding of everything going on there. And, the sad part is that everyone else agreed with her; I assume is was for support only, so I'll let that slide.

Also, her opinions on gay marriages and abortions...she needs to step away from her cookie-cutter lifestyle and take a look at what's going on in the world today. Let people be free, do what they want if they feel in love; afterall she got her happy ending, why can't others just because it seems to deviate from the norms. Maybe her husband will turn out to be a gay and she'll learn a lesson, or better yet if her son or daughter were and then see how she'll be singing to a different tune.

Perhaps, devoting so many words to such a minor little character is a waste of time, but she just really upset me with her narrow minded opinions and squeaky voice...

Tags: elisabeth hasselbeck, rosie o'donnell, svu, t.v., the view

Current Mood:

annoyed

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20 November 2007 @ 03:51 pm

Thick or Thin Skin

This is probably going to be a slightly off-balance blog or entry because I am not quite sure what statements or declarations I am attempting to make. Perhaps I am not making any, but as usual exploring my innermost thoughts and perspectives on daily life. Doubtfully, I am not about to make a discovery for everyone else, more likely just my very own.

If you know someone does not share the same level emotion as you do, in any regard, how do you still try and work it out with that person. The statement may seem to come from a relationship, whereas instead I am referring to friendship (which of course is a relationship in itself). When a person states something you know should hurt you because they meant it and they were being honest, why do we sometimes close our eyes to the big declarations of neutrality towards us and instead focus on the petty, meaningless, and worthless words or preconceived actions.

I am quite sure that the majority of the world, this is not news, but the reality of our emotions and their work. However, to me this is a first (one of many lately) and I wonder how it can be changed. Is it possible to grow that thick skin everyone keeps mentioning? I’d love for it to grow overnight on me, so that tomorrow morning nothing can penetrate my iron-clad skin.

Of course there is a negative and positive counterpart to the entire skin ordeal. First, you become completely jaded/tainted and must give up all childish enthusiasm you ever had; next you absolutely must not allow yourself to feel any close emotions (so forget sympathy or empathy). Of course, these things will stop you from being hurt or upset every again, but they will also cause you to become emotionless and stiff. As far as which is best; I am not sure. In the world we live in today, it’s probably best to go ahead and grow it, but in any other realm (if that whole belief is real-which I think it is) then it’s probably best to be true to feelings/emotions/and keep the skin you’re born with.

Other than that, I never trusted the elders in their usual reminders of how tough it’ll be or how things really go down in the real world. However, years down the line, I’ll admit that it’s true…disappointment after disappointment with minimal highlights of happiness that are fantastic, but so short lived and short termed.

Maybe we just make this up and cause all these rationalizations to occur, but I happen to actually think that it’s healthy for our minds to let our thoughts explore. Anyway, really…bottom line is that people can be the best things in the world, like heaven. Or, of course, they can be the worst things in the worst like the devil (or the interpretation of him/her/it)…and only people can bring about the best/worst emotions and best/worst out of us. However, when they bring out the best why does it always end or deteriorate? And, when they bring out the worst, why do we stick around so long and pretend they are ambrosia to our Gods?

In a while, this is probably one of my longest entries on here because perhaps it’s not dedicated to one specific thing. This entry is attempting to cover various grounds on people/friendships/relationships/emotions and all that junk J -- so maybe that’s why it’s so boring and disorganized.

Current Mood:

contemplative

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19 November 2007 @ 11:26 am

The Way We Were

What a film huh? Well, firstly, I must admit I have never seen that movie, but I did hear of it on Sex and the City; with the girls discussing how Hubble and Kate (or whatever her name was) never quite made it happen correctly.

Anyway, my entry is not at all about the film, it’s actually just about the title. The Way We Were; such a beautiful collection of words that a ton of people can definitely relate to in one way or another. Recently, I’ve been added to that large group of folks due to some of my own relationships and friendships coming into a reminiscent stage of how we once were. All of us sit and think back of a perfect time in your life, when at the time you did not know it, but it was really the time of your life. Well, realizing that is not the best feeling in the world, and definitely one that leads to the whole processing of when we become tainted and no longer react to petty emotional things. One of the saddest things if losing your belief in someone or something; since believing holds us up from the dirt that’s below us. We believe in order to have insurance about what will happen if this goes bad; it’s a sense of hoping and counting on someone to protect us in the worst of times. Faith is a great example.

With people it’s the same things; we count on them, put our faith into them and expect the best. Then you get burned by them, and next time expect less and less and less. Then you expect nothing at all, and yet you also give nothing at all. And you become a cold hearted person that we all hate. Well, it’s actually a process to achieve such an immense status, but the majority of us are on the way to this, so see ya there…

It's actually not terrible to end up there; if anything you'll live a very useful life with no one ever taking advantage of you, but with you also never having true emotion; love, hurt, and pain.

So, even in the friendships we form even up deteriorating because we do not know how to hold on to them, how to nurture them and help care for them. We do to a certain degree, then we become more selfish and throw our friendships in the backburner until we realize we can get some benefit from them. You cannot let a friendship simply and easily evolve because it simply won't. You must work on it and more than a full time job, since everyone comes and goes, but friends have a slightly bigger chance to studying. Family members are forever, but immediate families is what it encompasses really. All other members have to work hard to make it work; and then it'll be bliss.

If everyone had my thoughts-would the world be boring or blissful?

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07 November 2007 @ 03:13 pm

RANDOM rants

Okay, so I can pretty much comprehend the fact that the following rant will sound extremely bitter and very unhappy with this thing we all call life, but I really could not devote more care in the world to that.

So lately, I've been watching a variety of films and also living my reality-enriched life. The thing I've noticed about these films is that the reality of life is not often portrayed as I think it should. Of course I am not saying that every detail of the mundane should be incorporated; but damn it, can't a little bit be infused-then people wouldn't asking so many "why/how" questions when the film ends.

How about characters paying bills? That's a start. Anyway, maybe this isn't a bad thought. The point is that I think that it'll create a whole separate genre of films that perhaps people like myself may be interested in. Maybe not.

Rant #2
Defense Mechanisms-very useful little things for the loser in all of us. However, some defense mechanisms are worst than others. Some are known like trying to make someone else feel at fault when it's you who messed up. However, the one I want to discuss here is intellectualization. It's more of an obscure one, than the usual defense mechanisms, but once you know someone uses it, you'll be just as annoyed.

Intellectualization is basically when a person begins to discuss their problems from a very intellectual, almost philosophical level. Of course, it'd be nice if this individual didn't do this all the time and the problems they had, they at least attempted to fix. Or be a real philosopher or something like that.

Okay, I thought I'd have much more to say on this particular topic, but clearly I've lost my train of thought so maybe I'll continue it a bit later.

Then, Rant #3

If a woman works more hours than you, cooks for you, cleans up your mess as much as she can...it does not mean you should say that it's her duty, but be smart....say thank you instead! Saying thank you not only increases your chances of getting more of something, but also makes her think (falsefully of course) that you aren't the jerk you really are...
okay so I'll admit this isn't really a rant, just my thoughts. And they aren't feminist-infused, but rather just a mid-way reflection of the relations between the two sexes. And, no the above example isn't necessarily personally conjured up.

FYI if you ever need a reflection of your life; compare with some less fortunate (although "less fortunate" is a cliche type phrase, but for lack of a better one I tend to use it a lot) individual and see how you stand-it'll always make you feel at least a little better.

til next time

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23 August 2007 @ 02:51 pm

(no subject)

This is probably going to be assumed by most as a general rant, but it really is not. In fact, it is the more of the reality that life presents to us and we pick up more and more of it with each passing day. There comes a point where you realize that things are not really what you thought they were or would be. Most peple call this growing up, but really it almost seems and feels like your soul becoming tainted and introverted. Every bitter experience, every heartache, every disappointment, and frustration causes more and more of a shadow to be casted over your purity.
Eventually, one day you realize that this is exactly how this life works and the people around you are all in the very same system, doing the very same things...but differently (in their own weird and wacky ways). So, once you reach this obstacle, what do you do? Move forward in the way you once were and the things that brough joy, but cannot be realistic in the adult world...or...do you leave that behind and reprogram yourself to join the adult world of all others and march on?
Then of course with all this comes the realization of everything you watch on t.v., listen on the radio, and experience yourself. Doesn't it become just horrific? A daily dose of a negative charge for you and you must fight it and try to keep, as stated by Katharine in Under the Tuscan Sun, "never lose your childish innocence, it's the most important thing you've got"

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